Counseling

Today was counseling day.  I always feel drained and unsettled afterwards- in a kind of a good way.  There is always  a lot to ponder.   Counseling is like a clarification of behaviors, thoughts, and feelings.  It is self-affirmation.  It is practice.  It can be many “a ha!”  moments  or  maybe just a tiny one.  Often it is a revelation or a connecting of dots.

Today involved celebrating some successes and reminders of how far I’ve come from that beaten down, over weight miserable woman I was 2 years ago.  I find I need to constantly remind myself of how far I have come in this journey of self.

Am I finished?  No.  I like the action of bouncing my thoughts off a trained professional.  I like what she can tell me about my actions and reactions.  I like the revelations she brings me too about what I am thinking and feeling.  There are relationships I need to work on and fix.  There are future actions I need to get ready to encounter.  There are strengths I need to build up.

My assignment for the next 3 weeks is to make myself sit down and watch a TV program.  Also to pick up a book and read for at least 10 minutes.  I need to get used to sitting still in my apartment between the hours of 5-7.

Right now I keep myself so busy till 8:00 o’clock before I allow myself to sit down.  Then I try to go to bed at 9.  I’m scared to sit still because I don’t want to think.  I’m afraid of depression.  So I am going to start taking baby steps so I can get comfortable with me by myself.

I am also going to work on strengthening my adult committee member who I want to be in charge.  She needs to become stronger to deal with my needy stubborn child who only wants what she wants.  My child in control is disaster and chaos.  That child needs to realize that the adult will take care of her so her needs will be met.

These things are doable.  So simple but I could not have made this plan by myself or even come up with it by myself.  That is my counselor.