Roar

I feel empowered this week!  I made a list and I'm crossing things off.  I took my car in for service.  I took Queenie to the vet.  I got my taxes done.  I unplugged my toilet! I set up Doctor appointments.  I got my carpets cleaned.  I did things that I never did before and without condemnation.  What a beautiful, liberating thing it is to be a responsible, tax paying citizen taking care of her life.

I did not have to listen to criticism for doing things wrong or incorrectly.  I did things that needed to be done in a timely fashion.  It made me realize the constant criticism I got from Pat.  I never did anything correctly.  Anybody I chose to do work was condemned and vilified by Pat.

Now it is just me and I did things that needed to be done.  I may have flinched a bit because of residual habits of abuse, but I overcame them.

I am not the person I was 5 years ago.  I am not beaten down.  I like and value myself.

I did not not walk away from my job.  I did not fold my cards.  I persevered. I stuck to it.  I am a beloved child of God.

My sons would not recognize me.  I hope someday they will want to meet this person I have become. I hope someday they recognize the gifts I gave to them:  God, hope, love, and a life worth living.

Meanwhile, I will continue to rebuild my life.