Math Studio again

Math studio is brutal on my psyche. It assaults every part of my self confidence.  Not only am I insecure about my math abilities I fight envy and jealousy over how well other teachers execute their math lessons. My fellow 1st grade teacher is awesome in math.  My class can not even touch where she is at. I fight the urge to just hate her for how good she is at what she does.

So while I observe her and compare what I have done in my classroom I am having to self talk myself out of envy and hatred for her competence at something I struggle with daily.  It over whelms me.  Her class is quiet and controlled while mine flops about on the floor like puppy dogs.

I keep telling myself I cannot compare our teachings and our approaches .  We are both valuable in our approaches.  Like I said I am brutal on myself.

I know that I too am valuable in how I teach- just as all teachers are.  We cannot judge ourselves by our different teaching approaches.  Envy and jealousy are poison to our relationships with each other.

I walk out of math studio beating myself up,  which just needs to STOP!  It is a battle.

Tomorrow I get side by side coaching with  Jill.  I lay myself out there, open to instruction.  How else will I learn?  I humiliate myself for my practise.  It is what I try to do- leave myself open to learning new things.

I think my new principle is awesome.

I adore Jill and what she can teach me.

My fellow co-teacher is amazing at 27.  I am honored to work with her.