Saturday, June 30, 2012

brain stuff


neuroplasticity is defined as the selective organizing of connections between neurons in our brains.


Thus, says Willis, "Practice makes permanent. The more times the network is stimulated, the stronger and more efficient it becomes."
http://www.edutopia.org/neuroscience-brain-based-learning-neuroplasticity




I want to remember this stuff to write about.  Need to reinforce some pathways!!!

Friday, June 29, 2012

new vocab word


Derecho(Spanish word) Meaning: A widespread and long lived, violent windstorm, that is associated with a fast moving band of severe thunderstorms, Some are saying . A Gustnado, other people are calling it. This wide spread outbreak that started out west this morning 6/29/12. Trampolines, downed and up rooted trees, powerlines, and smashed homes and cars seemed to be the favorite of this storm today. 70 mph+ winds and Tornado touch downs occured with this Storm. Then this system continued on to the east. "Traffic Signals just Gone, Poof, Zapo, and Missing" says one Ft wayne INDOT worker. Another person from Ft Wayne said a Sign flew by at 70 mph and sliced his car. Above photos posted from Allen Co and Wells Co.
*Nicole Hofstetter*






 The ferocious storm that blew through the Washington-area Friday night is a weather system known as a derecho.
It is not only an unusual weather event for the region, but the circumstances surrounding the storm changed its pattern characteristics, according to ABC 7 Meterologist Mike Stinneford.
Derecho is a Spanish word that means 'straight.' It is in reference to the storm's powerful straight-line winds.
Derechos typically form along the top of a hot air mass and can move an average of 70 miles per hour. That wind speed is normally associated with a Category 1 hurricane.
"Outside a hurricane, a derecho is one of the worst storms that can run through the area," Stinneford says. "It's very unusual to have a derecho come this far south, also to come in the evening, also to come over the [Blue Ridge] mountains."
The storm that hit the D.C.area on Friday night started on the west side of Chicago and gained speed, following a jet stream east. This type of storm tends to die down by the end of the day, says Stinneford, and will lose steam.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Here





Here,
this node,
this unit,
this vertex,
“featureless and indivisible”,
exists in a space
as Word Spoken.

Word,
assembles the bones,
lifeless in dust.
Prophecy in a gasp,

“Speak!”
commands the Breath.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Rattle the bone chimes!

Cacophony of armies rising…
 Cognitive Dissonance
of bone on bone,
flesh on flesh,
risen but not alive.
The prophecy of promise:
“We will not stay slain.”

Word in a node,
a unit,
indivisible,
3 yet one,
the breath the edge,
intersects
a bone,
becomes the two edge sword
cutting the debris of dead
from the branches of flesh.

In His Breath,
His I Am,
I live.
Fire flamed by the Paraclete.
From dirt, to body, to blood, to water,
a Chronos moment in a Kairos time,
flaying dead speech to life.

I am dead.
Grimy bones
in depressed  earth.

Lifeless in my mother’s womb
dead weight in my father’s arms.
The silence stretches from earth to heaven,
a vapor barrier
whispered in space.
The vacuum breached in birth,
Conceived in a garden,
hovering over edges.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Next Steps...

the snake....


Remember back a month ago when I was suppose to practice sitting down in my apartment between the hours of 5-7, and either read or watch a TV program?  The goal was to start being comfortable sitting and doing nothing in my apartment.  My problem has been I find myself having to keep consistently busy to avoid "thinking".  With school I found myself still just going, going, going all the time.

When I finished in my room last Friday I was immediately attacked by the feelings of,

"OMG, it's summer and I have nothing planned and what am I going to do with all that TIME?  How am I going to stop myself from thinking and feeling sorry for myself?"

I knew I should not be alone this last weekend so I invited myself over to the Nelson's house.  They are my adopted family who love me and always make me feel part of their family.  It worked!  As a result we made plans to finally move their extra TV over to my place for Monday.  I get 50 channels free with my rent.  I let Pat have the TV and I took the computer.

Today they came over and and helped me design my living area for the TV.  Perry also did the "manly" jobs for me that have puzzled me for so long.

It's not like I am a girly girl but definitely more cerebral than mechanical.

He fixed my BBQ, checked my air filter and installed it the correct way, and hooked up my TV to cable and my computer.  Carolyn fixed my bookshelf and Nikki vacuumed.  It was lovely and I am so grateful for the friends God has put in my life.

While Perry was flipping through my channels I had flashbacks to watching TV.  I was actually excited about getting A and E, TBS, TCM, and the weather channel.  I really do get 50 channels!    Even though my gut reaction was I'm letting the "snake" into my "garden of Eden" I actually felt excited about watching TV again.

I have not really missed TV.  I watched "Desperate Housewives" and "Greys Anatomy" on Hulu.  I have been content with that and Facebook, and my writing. 

I also realized that it was a year ago this last weekend that I moved into this apartment.  Maybe it is time to finally "unpack" my life, i.e. , my boxes...  

I am not going back to Pat or my marriage.  He has not changed nor even tried to change.  I know I cannot change him or anyone else.  I can only change myself.  For better or worse, this is my life now.

My children are grown and successful in their lives.  They have jobs, homes, and their own lives.  I have me and that is ok.  I have a job I love.  I have a mom, and 3 sisters who love me.  I have dear good friends who love me.  I have a church family that loves and cares for me.  I have a pastor who not only teaches me, but is a dear friend who is there for me in prayer and in person.  Most important I have a God who loves me so much He sent His son to die for me so that I may rise and be with Him in heaven someday.  I have a God who will always have my back and will always take care of me no matter what happens to me in this life.

So it is time I believe to watch mindless TV and pick up a book and read again.  I start tonight.  I will turn on the TV, pet the dogs in my lap, and just maybe have a book open to read on the commercials.
It's time.









Saturday, June 23, 2012

Blushing...




A man engaged me in conversation today at Starbucks.  I blush because it was unexpected and I did not know what to do!  You have to realize after 31 years of monogamous marriage, fat for most of those years, and constantly "put down" for most of those years, it was unexpected. And I must say- kind of nice.

It has been a treat for me for the past year and a half to go to Starbucks, have a coffee, and sit and write poetry.  I gave up writing poetry about 30 years ago with my marriage,  It just did not seem to fit into my lifestyle anymore.  I was busy being wife and mom.

As my marriage was dissolving- so to speak- around my ears, I picked up the pen and started writing about what I was thinking, feeling, and going through.  It seemed to help me and my self image of myself.  I felt and feel successful when writing.  It helps me also clarify my feelings and explore what I believe.  What has truly been nice about it has been it has not lessened with the year but rather has grown in it's importance to me.  It has become my " breath".

 I adore and am passionate about my words- especially when they reflect on my beliefs in God, marriage, family, and my past and future.  It has also been a way to examine my feelings for the men in my life and my relationships with them- damaged though they be.

I was just sitting there writing when I looked up and a man was staring at me and smiled.  It startled me but I smiled back and then quickly returned to my page wondering if it was on purpose or an accidental glance.  The next thing I knew he asked what I was writing.  We had a conversation, awkward for me because it is such an unknown thing in my life.  Yet I was able to converse.

He was a nice looking man my age or a bit younger.  He asked to see what I was writing and he wrote in my notebook.  Where was I too go with this?  I am not exactly available so there was no reason to prolong the conversation.  I shook his hand and told him good luck and left.

My heart raced with the unknownness of it.  It gave me a total boost to my self because a man had shown actual interest in me.  I don't know what that is like anymore.  It also totally frightened me because I don't want to repeat past mistakes in relationships.

So tonight I have a little "glow" on because someone - a total stranger- has shown interest in me!  What a nice feeling.  Thank you strange man out there,  you have made this girl feel good!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Ouch!

My head hurts.  My butt hurts.  My back hurts.  I hurt.  And because I hurt I want to make other things hurt as much as I do right now.  Like right now I could take my computer mouse and dash it against a wall.  It is not cooperating!

The room is packed up and ready to be moved. I did lots of moving, lifting, pushing, and standing today, hence the soreness.  Whacked my glasses with a box and now they are tilting sideways which annoys me also!  I can't see sideways!!!

I said my farewells to my lovely large south facing room.  I will move to a smaller room with more storage though.  I am ashamed at how much crap I have.  I threw things away and gave away and it is still too much.  I have boxes of books that are cherished.  I have lots of games and play manipulatives.  I hate to get rid of all of them because the kiddos coming in only had a half day KG and did not get to play.  I want them to have a chance to play because I believe so much of our learning comes through play.

It was so anticlimactic to finish and to think of going home with the dogs to my empty apartment.  I just did not want to be alone tonight with my ouchy thoughts. I invited myself over to the Nelson's for dinner and a movie and that helped.

It is time to be proactive with my thoughts and use my strategies.  It is also time to take a Tylenol PM and go to bed.  Oh and icing my bottom!  (By the way it is called referred pain because it actually stems from my lower back but pinches on the bundle of nerves leading to my sciatica.  so my butt hurts!)



Thursday, June 21, 2012

Finite






The finite:
all the elements
in a family set—
{you, me, child 1, child 2, child 3 }
The cardinality of 5.
a subset, {you, me}.

Pigeonholes where if n=5
then m means = 4  holes.

What happens to a subset when one leaves?
flies the “coop” so to speak?

Can there be a subset of {1,3,4,5} ?


the nest is empty…

and the homing does not happen.

I am the family of one,
a sub set of 1.
the cardinality of one.

Not by choice…

I am a discrete one,
separate,
distinct now.
the numbers no longer flow,
we are alone in our countability.

And are we real anymore in our family unit?

The subtraction of self from the set
sets to motion
a finite ending .

After all those periods…
 will DNA count for anything?

Will the edge from God to man
make me adjacent to subsets 3, 4, 5,?
It is in the elements…

That edge from God to me,
in His son Jesus Christ,
 is the vertex 
in my life.
In Chronos I can trace the edge
from great grandfathers to me.

Has the edge been broken?

Has the "from generation to generation
 of those who love me"
become the broken set?

The Word does not come back void.

If the Creator created numbers:
 real, whole, rational, irrational, integers, finite and infinite,
then surely He can bring sets
to completion....


A continuation of Math vocabulary leading to a new poem


Math vocabulary is a different language.  I made sure to clarify the language this time!  Even conjunctions have different meanings!  Online dictionaries don't always have the mathematical definition.  I asked the teacher for the definitions.    Some definitions I am still working on and I think this is why I enjoy using the vocabulary in poems. Not only does it provide a rich experience in language it also require some work on the readers part to understand how the word is being used and how meaning can change because of the secondary knowledge of the math definition.

Here goes:
Quantitatively:

Decontextualize:  Take out of context, to remove from context

Contextualize: to put in context

Combinatorics: area of mathematics that deal with counting problems the study of finite or countable discrete structures.  Oldest and most accessible parts of combinatorics is graph theory!!!!  used frequently in computer science in the analysis of algorithms.

Up to 3 means 2, could be 1, or could be 3

Factorial: 1x2x3x4x5x6x7x8...  and is denoted as 15!

Permuting: rearranging objects or values

Permutations- every detail matters!  Used for lists

Combinations: easy going, details don't matter, for groups, order doesn't matter

The rule to determine the number of permutations of "n" objects was known in Hindu culture at least as early as 1150.  The Lilavati by the Indian mathematician Bhaskar11

Explicit: in math means it can be applied to any situation and is different than recursive

Recursive:  Blame this one on middle school teachers.  Still searching...

Referents:A referent is a personal item that is used to estimate, whether a physical entity or mental construct.

http://teachmath.openschoolnetwork.ca/wordpress/grade-1/number-sense/estimating/

I am not too sure about this one.  I forgot the context it was used in during class.  I came across a slide show about a referent that kind of boggles my mind.

"Numbers are graphemes till they have a referent.  5  "  http://www.slideshare.net/Claretcarat/the-referent-unite
ferentsgiveNumeralsMagnitudeReferentsgiveNumeralsMagnitudeNumeralsaregraphemesuntiltheyhaveareferent.

Inductive:
Inductive reasoning is making conclusions based on patterns you observe.

The conclusion you reach is called a conjecturehttp://www.basic-mathematics.com/examples-of-inductive-reasoning.html

Mathematical "between":  does it include the bookends?  Between 1 and 20.  So does that include 1 and 20? No.

Mathematical "or":  means both- all.  all the odds and multiples.  Not the exclusive "or"- cake or ice cream.

Punnet Square:  a diagram used to predict an outcome of a particular cross or breeding experiment.  Tabular summery of every possible combination of one maternal alete with 1 paternal alete.  This was from the 5th grade and middle school teachers in my group.  We used it to show how many combinations of out fits we could g Vertex:  From Wikipedia:  a vertex (plural vertices) or node is the fundamental unit of which graphs are formed: 


My understanding?  Hey it's the dot in space! 


Edges:  Every edge has two endpoints in the set of vertices, and is said to connect or join the two endpoints. An edge can thus be defined as a set of two vertices


 
It's connecting the dots folks! 



Adjacent: Two vertices are adjacent provided there is an edge between them connected directly.  They share an edge Incident: An edge is incident to a vertex provided it connects and ends a t a vertex





Euler Circuit:  Draw a graph without lifting your pencil off the page and without drawing an edge more than once, and starting at the same vertexes if we had 3 skirts, 2 sandals, and 4 shirts.

               Alternating sequence of vertices and edges: V0, e1, v1, e2, v2, where
               Each edge  e1 , is incident to vertices vi-1and vi
               v0=vn
               each edge in G appears in the sequence exactly once 
and if that is gobble gook to you welcome to my world!!


Discrete: dictionary definition: distinct from others; separate; consisting of distinct parts; discontinuous

(Thorndike and Barnhart)

Mathematical Definition:  Discrete mathematics involves the study of objects and ideas that can be divided into separate or discontinuous parts.  Thus discrete mathematics can be contrasted with the classical notion of continuous mathematics, which is the mathematics underlying most of algebra and calculus.    Discrete mathematics is well suited to situations whose main focus is counting as contrasted with continuous mathematics whose main objective is the measurement of an object.  The set of positive integers is an example of a discrete set; the set of real numbers is an example of a set that is not discrete.
(1991 NCTM Yearbook)


Dang I always forget what "real" numbers are.  How can numbers come with so many names and descriptors!!!!

Finite set: In mathematics, a finite set is a set that has a finite number of elements. For example,

Is a finite set with five elements? The number of elements of a finite set is a natural number (non-negative integer), and is called the cardinality of the set. A set that is not finite is called infinite. For example, the set of all positive integers is infinite:

Finite sets are particularly important in combinatorics, the mathematical study of counting. Many arguments involving finite sets rely on the pigeonhole principle, which states that there cannot exist an injective function from a larger finite set to a smaller finite set.

Subsets:  For example, the set {5,6,7} is a 3-set, a finite set with three elements, and {6,7} is a 2-subset of it.


I hope to get my room done tomorrow.  I don’t want it hanging over my head anymore.  All the cupboards and closets and wall are cleaned out.  Way too much stuff.  I need to throw more away.

No phone calls.  I am anticipating, which I know I am not supposed to anticipate trouble, a call from the lawyer because Pat lost his job.  I think he will probably try to ask for spousal support again.  Plus what happens to his 401 K now that he has lost his job?  I know he is going to need health insurance what happens to that?  That’s the Cobra thing and he has to pay for that.  Plus there are the car loans.  My lawyer, who does not return my phone calls or emails, will probably be calling me soon.  I am disgusted.  These things are the consequences of his actions and why should I have to pay for them?

I think all of this has led to the start of a new poem I shall call ”Finite”, in the mathematical sense.  Another math poem.

Just wondering if my sons will ever call me mom again or if I will ever stop feeling sorry for myself?

It’s the break up of a finite set of discrete numbers….

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Math Studio Vocab. and notes




Math vocabulary is a different language.  I made sure to clarify the language this time!  Even conjunctions have different meanings!  Online dictionaries don't always have the mathematical definition.  I asked the teacher for the definitions.    Some definitions I am still working on and I think this is why I enjoy using the vocabulary in poems. Not only does it provide a rich experience in language it also require some work on the readers part to understand how the word is being used  and how meaning can change because of the secondary knowledge of the math definition.

Here goes:
quantitatively:

Decontextualize:  Take out of context, to remove from context

Contextualize: to put in context

Combinatorics: area of mathematics that deal with counting problems the study of finite or countable discrete structures.  Oldest and most accessible parts of combinatorics is graph theory!!!!  used frequently in computer science in the analysis of algorithms.

Up to 3 means 2, could be 1, or could be 3

factorial: 1x2x3x4x5x6x7x8...  and is denoted as 15!

permuting: rearranging objects or values

Permutations- every detail matters!  used for lists

Combinations: easy going, details don't matter, for groups, order doesn't matter

The rule to determine the number of permutations of "n" objects was known in Hindu culture at least as early as 1150.  The Lilavati by the Indian mathematician Bhaskar11

Explicit: in math means it can be applied to any situation  and is different than recursive

Recursive:  Blame this one on middle school teachers.  Still searching...

referents:

inductive:

Mathematical "between":  does it include the bookends?  Between 1 and 20.  So does that include 1 and 20? No.

Mathematical "or":  means both- all.  all the odds and multiples.  Not the exclusive "or"- cake or ice-cream.

Punnet Square:  a diagram used to predict an outcome of a particular cross or breeding experiment.  Tabular summery of every possible combination of one maternal alete with 1 paternal alete.  This was from the 5th grade and middle school teachers in my group.  We used it to show how many combinations of out fits we could get  if we had 3 skirts, 2 sandals, and 4 shirts.



Vertex:  From Wikipedia:  a vertex (plural vertices) or node is the fundamental unit of which graphs are formed:


My understanding?  Hey it's the dot in space!


Edges:  Every edge has two endpoints in the set of vertices, and is said to connect or join the two endpoints. An edge can thus be defined as a set of two vertices


 
It's connecting the dots folks!



Adjacent: Two vertices are adjacent provided there is an edge between them connected directly.  They share an edge
Incident:An edge is incident to a vertex provided it connects and ends a t a vertex





Euler Circuit:  Draw a graph without lifting your pencil off the page and without drawing an edge more than once, and starting at the same vertex.

  •                alternating sequence of vertices and edges: V0, e1, v1, e2, v2,...where
                   each edge  e1 , is incident to vertices vi-1and vi
                   v0=vn
                   each edge in G appears in the sequence exactly once 
    and if that is gobble gook to you welcome to my world!!


    Discrete: dictionary definition: distinct from others; separate; consisting of distinct parts; discontinuous

    (Thorndike and Barnhart)

    Mathematical Definition:  Discrete mathematics involves the study of objects and ideas that can be divided into separate or discontinuous parts.  Thus discrete mathematics can be contrasted with the classical notion of continuous mathematics, which is the mathematics underlying most of algebra and calculus.    Discrete mathematics is well suited to situations whose main focus is counting as contrasted with continuous mathematics whose main objective is the measurement of an object.  the set of positive integers is an example of a discrete set, the set of real numbers is an example of a set that is not discrete.
    (1991 NCTM Yearbook)


    Dang I always forget what "real" numbers are.  How can numbers come with so many names and descriptors!!!!


    Can't do any more tonight.  That taxed my brain.  I can't find all my notes and find I wish I would have taken better notes and I am a master note taker!


    The back is sore again.  I t does not help moving boxes around.  All the cupboards and closets are empty.  Still too much stuff.  I think I need to get rid of KG stuff.  


    Supposedly my soon to be ex( someday please!) was suppose to lose his job today.  Trying not to be anxious or anticipate what this could mean for the divorce.  I can't go backwards.  I have my own consequences to deal with as he will have to deal with his.  I just want closure and to move on.  And that too is mixed up with the math, and the theology.


    Add the other one and it seems overwhelming to sort it all out.  That is why I write.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Living in my fantasy tonight..

Continuing to play with words, emotions, ideas, theology.  Just a very rough draft of ideas.  It sustains me to write.  It uplifts me to write.  It keeps my mind off other things, which is good at this point.

I had the second shot in my spine.  He placed it in a different place today.  He tried to get the worst place in my spine but kept hitting bone so he placed it lower.  I guess I realized how serious the deterioration is in my spine.  Dang that means surgery.  I still want to be able to walk and work so I guess I will have to go there.

You know God created math and I believe it reaffirms the Natural order of things and the Natural Law. It's too bad we keep screwing things up in our old Adam.  I do believe it is possible to have that marriage that God intended us all to have.  It will just take 2 people committed and believing that God can and will sustain.

Here is the next part of Graph Theory:


The finite,
all the possibilities,
from you to me,
discrete in our individuality.
Separate but joined.
Having that “edge”,
where we  can meet,
intersect,
mentally,
physically,

·      spiritually.

Our algorithms,
we distinguish
our “n’s”,
multiply,
add,
divide,
subtract,
till they fit
as one ,
as God intended.

The subtraction of self,
deny the sinner,
add the saint,
clothed in nakedness,
as in the Garden,
where there is no fear,
no snake,
no blame.


Christ’s death,
the Kairos,
lining it’s way to me on a number line,
jumps backward Eden wise,
forward
toward,
the perfect Euler circuit,
where we travel together,
in foot,
without a blemish,
misstep,
or a lift of friction.

a perfect equation:


God 


 
man



woman 


Math always seems to have the answer.

It is in all I see…

It is in the Natural Order of God.

Subjective to God
and His Infinity.

And in His math touch I see our intersection.

What was ruined by a bite.

Can be again…

it is the continuation of a number line in Chronos,

in Kairos….



My God’s wish for me….