Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Breath





Yesterday when I was blogging about creativity I had been struggling with a poem.  Remember the part about trite, cliché, words that spit at me in the face?  Yes, this would be one of those experiences.  I’m not ready to give up on it yet.

It started with Pentecost and the three readings.  The Old Testament reading was from Ezekiel 37: 1-14.  The New Testament was from Acts 2: 1-21.  The Holy Gospel was from John 15:26-27; 16:4b-15.  I was struck by the connection between all three readings.  It is usually not so obvious in the 3 readings.  In these three I saw, felt, and heard the “Breath”.  It started me thinking of the other instances of “Breath” in the Bible.  It always has to do with Life and Life with God.  It is also always in association with the Holy Spirit.   Pastor Percy has been schooling us in “breath” and in Greek.

I could not ignore the Old Testament reading either.  The drama of dry bones in a dust valley- DEAD.  Dead even when prophesied over and the sinew and skin fill the form of bones.  It was not until the “Breath” hit them that they became alive.  Just as we are dead dry bones in our sin till the stirring breath of the Holy Spirit brings us to life in Jesus.

I set out to try and capture what I was thinking and feeling.  Often times my writing helps me clarify and understand what I am experiencing.  Yesterday, though as I sat to work on it, I became frustrated with my lack of satisfying words.  I wanted to just quit ands chuck it away.  I paused though, because I started reflecting on the article on creativity and the art of practice.  So I just continued to write about what I was seeing in my brain.  Yep, I used those trite cliché phrases but I plan to go back someday after I relax and let it simmer in my brain.

Hence I offer for you the beginnings of my “creativity”:


Breath

Breathe upon the waters
of Creation.
Hover.
The Exhalation of life
upon the Nothingness.


Breathe upon the Dirt,
molded in your Image.
Breath in,
and the dirt breathes out.
priming Life in Man/Woman.


Breathe upon the Bones,
 jumbled tibia
mixed with femur, sacrum, mandible,
phalanges, and cranium.

The valley of shadowy dust,
where the breath becomes sound at Word,
assembling the sinew and skin in a cacophony of rattles.
Lifeless ,
till the moisture laden prophecy,
gently lifts the hairs on cheeks,
nape, neck and forehead.

The microscopic bead of life,
grows army size in a Nation
resurrected.

Breathe the Fire,
Roar of the Spirit
upon
the assembled.
In their exhalation the tongues
of Babel burst forth to fill
the ears.

The Word,
tornadic in breath,
gushing in the Waters of Baptism….

to be continues in the future where the Breath
still works in whimpers, whispers and shouts….




Tuesday, May 29, 2012

"How to be Creative"

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203370604577265632205015846.html


I was reading this article from the Wall Street Journal this morning on Creativity.  I found it very interesting because it went totally against what I have believed about "creativity".

Like so many I thought only some people are naturally gifted with creativity.  You either had it or you did not.  I was not expecting to read that anyone can be creative- it just takes practice.  Whoa I thought to myself.  NOT!

As I read further into the article I started thinking about some of my realizations I have acquired through my years of teaching.  First of all, I realized a couple of years ago I too could be an artist.  I have never had any natural ability to draw, paint, mold, and create a visual image of art.  In all my years of teaching kindergarten a directed drawing program from “Animated Literacy” fascinated me.  Every year the precious little five year olds would tell me with such admiration,

"You are such a good drawer.  How did you learn that?"

I would reply by rote:

"Well, I've had lots of practice.  You too can be a good artist if you practice."

The more I thought about it,  I realized I too could learn to draw, paint, sculpt, and throw a pot if I just practiced.  Really nothing was out of my reach.  I could learn ballroom dancing if I want.  I could take watercolor classes and learn to paint.  It would just take doing it.

Now I realize I may never be world-renowned artist or have a "natural sense of space or color".  But I could learn to draw and paint.  

So why could someone not learn to be creative?

The author then brought in the brain research.  I am a solid fan and believer in the brain research and how our wonderful brains work.

It comes down to 2 approaches.   First of all, there is the relaxation and have a beer creativity.    When we stop thinking about the problem often times an insight will "pop" into our brains.  I don't know about you but I have had some great ideas in the shower or waking in the middle of the night with a break through.

The other process is the good old work ethic approach.  It is called "sweat and failure" in the article.  It is trying over and over again to get something right, rejecting the bits and pieces that don't fit.

That is where I have had my "A Ha!" moment with my writing.  I don't always feel like writing.  I don't always like what I am writing.  It seems trite, cliché, worn out and old.  It is so easy to just stop and give up.  I have found though, if I keep writing, more often then not the insights and the juxtaposition of ideas creates some pretty dramatic word images,..... and then sometimes not.  Even through I think it is "CRAP", I find myself revisiting it, tweaking it here and there, totally rewriting it from a phrase, word, or image.  I may never like it but I preserve it for something I can maybe someday go back to and make it work. 

I like what the article says with some reservations.  It seems a bit geared toward the business end of the world and not the artistic venues of the world.  I still think there is a genetic component and I do buy into the multiple intelligences.  I am a creature of words.  They captivate me and ensnare me in the magic of their meanings.  I love to play with them and connect them in odd, strange, beautiful ways.  It is much easier for me to do that then wield a paintbrush or get my fingers dirty in clay.  Sure I can learn to paint and draw but it would never capture my heart like words do.

I will keep telling my students that they can do anything if they keep practicing - write their name, draw a dog or cat, write a sentence, paint a blooming tree.  I will also keep telling them that it never comes easy to anyone.  Even with natural ability they will still need to practice, practice, practice.

I will also keep telling myself to keep writing even when the words spit back at me in scorn.  In that practice, my creativity, will always satisfy that hunger within me to play and dance with my words!


A Ha!  The plasticity of the brain!!!!!



http://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2012/06/06/33neuroscience_ep.h31.html?tkn=YWMFkn%2BngMR6x8JIDO54htKUCVqA8D4EoxGy&cmp=clp-sb-ascd






Debris

Well that is one way to decide what to throw away and what to keep.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Honoring the Dead

Today I remember what is Dead.  Today I remember what is alive.

Delete

So there.  I've deleted you from my IPHOTO except for the high school pictures.  Those I will put back in the trunk where they belong- at 16 when we were each other's first love.  Good bye ... God speed... you will always be my first....

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Double Rainbow, double blessed

Tonight as I left our "Celebration of Learning", I drove under a double rainbow and I felt so blessed.  Just maybe I  have made a difference in some children's lives and in parent's lives.  Maybe I have opened some "door" or "window" to a child so they too can seek after that pot of gold.

It's on nights like tonight that I really love my job.  I love watching the exuberant joy in the skip of a step, in the excitement of showing off their desk, or a penguin made to fit on a penguin graph.  The laughter of little girls drawing hearts on the white board, of a little boy showing off his tux, or the chapter books just purchased at the book fair.

That just maybe that Latino girl with her nose in a chapter book as she walks to the bus will someday go to college and become a professional because of something I did in her life.  Or the boy, who can barely read, will someday know he is  mathematician because he  can unconsciously count his flash cards in 2's because of the math culture I built in my room.  Maybe the little girl who lives in generational poverty will remember the three school rules, 1)Be responsible 2) Be respectful 3) Be safe and make choices in her life that will lead her out of the cycle of poverty because she felt safe in my classroom. Oh,  that they will carry the self confidence they've gained from my positive environment with them through out their lives and be successful because I took the time to build it.

It won't be the Dibels data they remember or the double growth in the STAR Math end of year test.  They won't know or care about adequate yearly progress (AYP).  Or if they were left behind. Or if they were Reading First.  What will matter is that they will be able to think independently, have a work ethic to get the job done,and  they will treat their fellow humans with respect and their environment with responsibility.

Hopefully their noses will stay buried in books.  They will continue to calculate and do the math unconsciously because they are confident in their skills.  And I hope they will fondly remember their 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Holtz, who has loved them through learning, who wants only the best for them.  Who would share in all their joy of using their minds to the best of their abilities.

Tonight I feel the hope that I HAVE touched lives and I HAVE made a difference. All from singing a silly little song called "Old Mr. Rabbit" and doing the " Cha Cha Slide".

I love these double rainbow days!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Counseling


Notes from last week’s counseling session.  May 17, 2012
In which I gained some insights into my relationships.

Don’t let hurt influence a relationship.

When I started with “old flame”, I was in my adult.  He responded in his child, which brought my child out.  I reacted as my child and lost valuable ground in my struggle to stay in my adult.  My adult is an awesome person.  She is valuable, smart, and beautiful.  In my child I became whiny, hurt, nagging, needy and had a total loss of confidence and self esteem.  Instead of engaging as an adult and treating myself as a competent adult I melted into this mess of feelings.

I also realized “my old flame” has not been honest with me from the get go.  He lies by his silence and his unwillingness to communicate with me.  He is incapable in this moment of engaging in a relationship.  Plus our worldviews are opposed.  It could only end.  It doesn’t stop the feelings I have for him but in my adult I realize I need to let him go so he can heal, just as I need to heal.

I need to have my adult in charge of my life.  You can’t let the children run the classroom. I need to hear my child’s feelings but realize they are skewed in her five-year-old reality.  Whenever I feel “justified”, I need to take another look.  Most likely it is a trigger and I am not in my adult.  I need to be responding not reacting.  If I am reacting I’ve been triggered.

I realize it is hard to wait to feel special.  But that is where I am now.  I am in a waiting mode where I can’t really move forward in my life till I am divorced.  I can practice but I can’t act.

I also learned that I tend to pick a fight or antagonize to get a reaction. I need to get the little girl to stop pushing people away when angry.  The little girl thinks no one likes her or that she is good at anything.  She thinks that people think she is stupid and incompetent.

How ironic that in my evaluation by my principal she said I need to recognize how good I am at my job and stop thinking that I am always at a deficit in my learning.  I am liked and respected.  People do like me.

Where do I go from here? I keep my affirming self-talk going.  I recognize my triggers.  I use my strategies to beat back depression.  I engage in my friends, treat myself nice, and trust in God to take care of me.  I go towards…

Cohabitation

"If I was not interested in discerning any possible future with my girlfriend, then sure, we might as well shack up now. But my heart like every other human heart desires to find a love that will last a lifetime. I have a far diminished chance of finding that love if I take the easy option now and simply follow the social trend. Love is too precious a commodity to be is cheapened and destroyed through the social evil that is cohabitation."
bernard toutounji    http://foolishwisdom.com/

Monday, May 21, 2012

Homologein Revision 2


I watched the arm,
envelop the shoulder,
an unconscious gesture
of love,
so natural to the young couple ahead of me.
Something I have never known.
I sat with parents,
I sat with a boyfriend,
I sat with my children,
But never a husband…


What must it feel like to be doubly loved?
 in the Divine Service?
To feel fingers graze,
rest unobtrusively,
inconspicuous,
on my shoulder,
the space charged in static.
To also feel the love of the Word,
made man.

The marriage in the church,
of the church.
Christ the man/ God.
Bridegroom of the bride.
...the Natural Order,
in the DNA of Creation
from the Creator.

To be loved,
unconsciously,
consciously.

My head nestled in a shoulder,
where the moisture of your breath
imprints my forehead.

I would be marked
by the cross of water,
sheathed in Your Word,
fed in a husband's sacrifice.


To be blunt:
To sit with a man,
a husband,
in a pew,
hand in hand,
shoulder to shoulder.
To kneel in respect.
To be kneeled in love.
To be kneeled as one..

I would be the woman
for the man,
complete in his love,
as he would be complete in mine.

In a world that beds itself,
 Anonymously.
.
Where rotten fruit hangs low
to ground,
and gags …

A natural order
in the habits of heart,
Stirring yet another trail….
Where faith and trust abides
in each other’s heart.

Oh I know there is no perfection.
I know the hurt of hearts.
I know my sin,
And know yours also.
But faith,
belief,
I hold that thread to God.

And in that trust is love.


































And I know it is not you or what you want.  It is what I want.  It does not stop the ache of wanting you by my side.



Sunday, May 20, 2012

Homologein

Confess.  Same say. Say the same thing.


Reflecting on the man I would marry someday because I do want to be married.  First draft


to watch the arm
envelop the shoulder,
an unconscious gesture
of love.

The fingers graze,
rest unobtrusively,
inconspicuous,
on a polished wooden pew,
the space charged in static.

The marriage in the church,
of the church.
Christ the man, God,
bridegroom of the bride.
...the Natural Order
in the DNA of Creation/Creator.


To be loved,
unconsciously,
consciously,
a head nestled in a shoulder,
where the moisture of your breath
imprints my forehead.

I would be marked
by the cross of water,
sheathed in Your Word,
fed in a husband's sacrifice.


To be blunt:
To sit with a man,
a husband,
in a pew,
hand in hand,
shoulder to shoulder.
To kneel in respect.
To be kneeled in love.
To be kneeled as one..

I would be the woman
for the man,
complete in his love,
as he would be complete in mine.

A natural order in God's Creation....




Saturday, May 19, 2012

Pietists and other things to ponder!


Pietists create a god in the image of human experience while, on the other hand, rationalists create a god in the image of human knowledge. Yet, they share something in common: through their teaching they're raising their children to be functional atheists.


Why do you think the world is full of shame & misery? Because all want to be their own lords, to be free of all authority. Dr. Luther



The work of the Holy Spirit is to bestow Christ's benefits on sinners, His Word & His Sacraments, only when & where He will - not where the individual will. There isn't any moment of decision; the decision is God's & it's already made once & for all.



All manner of religion, where people serve God w/out his Word & command, is simply idolatry, & the more holy & spiritual such a religion seems, the more hurtful & venomous it is; for it leads people away from the faith of Christ, & makes them rely & depend upon their own strength, works, & righteousness.

... Martin Luther (1483-1546), Table-Talk [1566], CLXXI

Theological Thought for the Day: The decisive eternal question is not whether something is sinful but whether it is Sin-full, that is, full of Sin. And the determining factor is not what was done but who did it. If a poor, miserable sinner did it, then it is Sin-full, regardless of how good it is.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Healthy Weight Loss




After 21 months on the New Well Health Plan I finally met my goal of losing 100 pounds!  Was it difficult?  Yes, at first it was very difficult.  I remember one night crying myself to sleep hungry, thinking I was never going to be able to lose weight and would be fat the rest of my life.

But something strange happened a long the way.  Vegetables started tasting glorious to me.  Salt did not seem as necessary.  Water was an elixir.  And I crave fish now as my favorite meal.  What happened?

The New Well.  My nurse practitioner recommended the program to me.  She was on it herself and had already lost 80% of her goal.  I poo pooed her off for 2 years while Dr. after Dr. kept telling me I needed to lose weight.  First the cardiologist while checking out my A Fib.  Then the neurosurgeon investigating my back pain.  It wasn't until my 2nd year of counseling that I visited the New Well.  Let's just say there were and are issues in my life that were bringing me down.

I made a commitment to the New Well Health plan not only because it was costing me money but my weight was killing me physically and mentally.  I made the weight loss a priority in my life and committed to the 3 days of exercise and consultation at the New Well site.

I found the circuit to be something I could do without back pain.  It was a series of stations using weight machines, steps , and jogging boards.  It is designed to build the core.  I also enjoyed the massage chair once a week to alleviate stress.  Stress is a factor in weight gain.  My life was stressful!


As I religiously came into exercise I made some incredible friends.  We would gab and talk on the circuit, sharing what was working for us, food that was on plan we could make, and where to shop for it.  The counselors became dear and close friends encouraging me and helping me throughout those plateaus!

I refuse to call it a diet plan but rather a health plan.  The New Well uses grocery store foods:  Lean proteins like fish, chicken breasts and occasional beef and pork, fresh fruits and vegetables, very little sodium, lots of water, and their very own protein bars made with the New Well in mind.

 If you make the commitment to follow plan you WILL lose the weight.  The counselors are not food Nazis but loving, caring and encouraging individuals that will help you succeed!  Yes, the plan costs money but is it worth it to take a year and a half of your life to gain 10 to 20 years more of your life?

For me, YES!  I am styling and enjoying being healthy for the first time in 25 years!  I look great in clothes!   Between exercise and yoga I am flexible, have curves, and have stamina!  Now when I go into the doctor's office it is not all doom and gloom.

I really feel that I have achieved a lifestyle change that I will be able to maintain.  I can't eat processed food anymore.  It bloats me and gives me great discomfort.  I crave vegetables and fruits.  I read food labels diligently to check for sodium and sugar levels.  I know what happens when I eat processed foods. If I should decide to indulge in a craving it is a bite that satisfies and not a binge.

I also know that I can maintain the yoga and exercise circuit because they don't hurt.  Yes, I still have back issues but it would be so much worse if I weighed 256.5 pounds instead of 156.5 pounds.

I continue to see my counselor because I want my mind as healthy as my body.  As I age I realize the importance of being healthy!

Thank you Anne, Gretchen, Mollee, Holly, Lucy, and Jacinda for all your love and encouragement!

You are empowering women!

https://www.facebook.com/thenewwellofmedford


Monday, May 14, 2012

Revision 3


So that’s that…
The end of the fabric-
the threads run out
The garment created,
unraveling….

The  foundations-
of our worlds collide
in the silence of space.
No words:
without waves,
or a thread
of  respect, or even honor,
for the ending  hem.

Just  the rip in a torn tea towel
traveling to the rag bag…

And in that silence is anger.
Our anger…
Strips we tear
at what was done, perceived, or executed.



The stubborn refusal
to acknowledge
our cowardice,
Hooked in a crochet
Of frozen intentions.
 
We are a paralyzed braid,
quadriplegic in our emotions,
stitched oval
in a spiral
of your moment,
and me in my recovery…

My foundation,
where the The Natural Law
Is in the woof and weave:
trees woven in sky,
rivers in seams,
and stars embellish
the pockets,
front and back.



The idols we make
 sit toad- like on  shelves,
grinning ineptly at blank walls.

They become

 dust –
                        silent…




What gods would be silent?

Not the one God-
He roars in every thread of creation.

He knows His  creation-
It is His design…


It is not natural
or organic
to submerge, bury,
nullify,

who we are in our restoration.
God would have us human again
So we could do His purpose.

Complementarity.

Woven together in mutual respect and love.

The Art in His Creation.
No longer in violation
of the rhythm
and purpose
of the Natural Order of things.
























and I still love you wildly , madly, and passionately ....


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Thinking

of annoying thoughts.  How much I hated going into my room to work today.  How I could not find anything I needed for Bridges.  How much it hurts when your kids don't call you on Mother's Day.  How joyous it was to hear from Johan who I did not think would call.  I thought Tim would call and he did not.  What excuse could there be for that?  How Chuck hates me.  How my self talk and self worth are caught up in actions.  How I have to wait for it to be over.  How I don't know what the future holds.  How blessed I am to have such wonderful friends that love me and care about me.  How I can milk a moment for drama.  How I can build such drama in my head and totally miss the obvious in front of me.  How Tim could just now message me that he emailed me a gift and will call tomorrow.  What was so important he could not call me on Mother's day?  How I can be so jealous of other people and how it eats my insides out.  How I can still love a person who can't talk to me.  How I will someday look back on this and smile at all I learned. That is bittersweet.  How it just sucks to be me tonight...

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Urban Gardening



I guess the cliche is true.
"You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl."

I moved from 7 acres up in the mountains to an apartment on the valley floor.  I knew I was in trouble when I found my fingers itching to pull weeds in front of other apartments.  (I'd already picked the ones in front of my apartment!)

I am actually quite excited about gardening on the valley floor.  Up in the mountains we were at 3300 feet which put us anywhere from 2-4 weeks behind the growing season on the valley floor.  I can't tell you how frustrating it was too wait for a tomato to get ripe.  It would be October till we would get a bounty of tomatoes and they would be full of cat's eyes because it was already cooling off at night.

Then there were some plants I just gave up on trying to grow in our short growing season- cucumbers, green peppers, cantelope....  Cayenne peppers grew well as well as winter squash, zucchini, acorn squash and pitty pans.  We had success with carrots, onions, garlic, and herbs such as oregano, sage, thyme, and dill.  Too many aphids to have much success with broccoli and cauliflower.  Green beans and peas did well also till the gopher discovered them.

I brought one plant from the mountains and it was a sage plant in a pot.  Since then I have added rosemary, oregano, thyme and my friend Kathy just gave me basil and parsley.  I bought 1 tomato plant and 1 cucumber plant.

I am wildly excited about the tomato and cucumber.  My patio faces south so it should be excellent sunlight.  My tomato and cucumber should be on valley time and I am so hoping for lots and lots of tomatoes and cucumbers to eat.  I never seem to get enough of them in the summer and grocery store ones have no flavor of the sun.  The Farmer's market is too spendy around here to afford anymore.  The locavore/organic movement has turned vegetables to gold.  (So only the rich can afford the "pure" vegetables.)

Along with my vegetables I have 1 fir tree and a pot of pansies.  I want to have sunflowers and zinnias too.  I could never grow zinnias up in the mountains either.  I want a sunflower because they just look so glorious and happy.  I will also grow some cilantro so I can make homemade salsa!

So today I washed the dirt from underneath my fingernails and it was a good feeling to be dirty!  Later this evening I made myself a glass of ice tea and sat in my "urban garden" to read the newspaper.

Hummm,  I think some lemon balm or peppermint will be my next herb!

Resonates

"Every worldview arises from a narrative—a story about who we are, how we got here, the meaning of history and our own lives, expectations for the future. From this narrative arise certain convictions (doctrines and ethical beliefs) that make that story significant for us. No longer merely assenting to external facts, we begin to indwell that story; it becomes ours as we respond to it and then live out its implications."  Michael Horton


http://www.whitehorseinn.org/blog/2012/05/11/same-sex-marriage-makes-a-lot-of-sense/

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Practices/ Math Studio

I keep meaning to go to bed at 9 but I'm just not making it.  I am also not making my practices.  I think as long as I am in school I won't be able to do my reading or watch TV.  I don't think it is bad either.  I just need to be in this place now.

Math Studio is always so draining on my brain and self-esteem.  It takes every ounce of my strategies and self talk to maintain myself.  I feel beat up after each experience.  I don't cry anymore but I do battle with feelings of poor self esteem.  I battle jealousy, inadequacy, and feel quite inferior and unloved.  How can math stir up so much crap?

I felt better today in the classroom where I could believe my self talk that I am a good teacher.  I could feel the love of my students and the respect.  Wow to need so much affirmation!

Teena came into to coach me in math and I am grateful for her support.  I just need to put down the feelings that I am incompetent in what I do in math and that is why she is in my room.  I know that is far from the truth.  She will work with me all next week.  I need to quit apologizing for my inability to meet what I think I see others getting done.  Suck it up and lay myself bare so I can learn what I need to be a better teacher.

It is a giving up of self to "deprivitize" my practice so I can learn to be a better teacher.  I have a date with a data snap in my room on Friday.  One thing I can say for my theatre background is that I do better with an audience.

Towards.....

I am saving it for....

"It is time to say that instead of saving marriage for that special moment after sex, moving in, and a child, we need to focus our time on a relationship and a partner worthy of marriage. "


http://pastoralmeanderings.blogspot.com/2012/05/i-am-saving-it-for.html

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

In Anger- Revision 2 in which I take some responsibility...




So that’s that…
The end of the fabric-
the threads run out
The garment created,
unraveling.




the  foundation-
no words:
no respect, or even honor.
Just your silence…

And in that silence is anger.
Our anger…
At what was done, perceived, or executed.

The stubborn refusal to see,
our cowardice,
and frozen intentions.
We are paralyzed:
Quadriplegic in our emotions.
You in your moment..
Me in my recovery…

My foundations,
where the The Natural Law
Is in the woof and weave,
trees woven in sky, rivers in seams,
and stars embellish the pockets
front and back.



The idols sit toad- like on a shelf,
grinning ineptly at blank walls.

long dust –
and  silent…
Our silence.

What gods would be silent?

Not the one God-
He roars in every thread of creation.

He knows our creation-
It is His design…
It is not natural or organic
to submerge,
bury,
nullify,
who we are in our dominion…


In the natural order of things-
Nature –
 Creation’s rhythm-
You cannot violate the Law

Things always fall downward to the Core…
For every action there is a reaction…

Your action –
My reaction…
The gravity of what we feel…

Where cores do not match…

It’s fundamental….

Can’t be denied…

I know that since the Fall
No man,
No woman,
can ever escape the demands of the Law
Natural law.

Only one Man could do that for me…

Oh how I wish that for you…..




Revelation

I do not get depressed writing my poetry.  Another good mental health strategy- writing.  It challenges me to analyze what is bothering me and why.  It clarifies.  It is good!


Notes on Dr. Joel Biermann


Natural law
God created it with creation
Fabric of creation
First fundamental belief is that God created the Heavens and the Earth
Sources of Authority
How do we know what is right and what is wrong?  How do we judicate?
1)   Bible says so
2)   Whatever the majority thinks
3)   Utilitarianism- what ever serves most people- who decides most, who?
4)   Whoever has the control makes the decision
5)   How do you know what is right?  We say God determines it - If you don’t believe in a God you have a problem
6)   Law of Nature- where did it come from
7)   Darwinism- supplants the position of God- no foundation left- if you really believe it all just happened by chance there is no right or wrong
8)   No moral judgment if there is no moral foundation
9)   God has spoken and made clear His purpose
10)                  God has built into the structure of the world a design of how the world is suppose to run  - Natural Law
11)                  Because of God- creator of it
12)                  God put it there
13)                  Just the way it is
14)                  Example- Gravity? Electromagnetism
15)                  Conform to it or fight against it
16)                  NL is simply there form function of how things work in this world
17)                  God calls the shots
18)                  LAW    SOS shows our sin SOS shows our Savior
19)                  Curb, Mirror, Guide
20)                  What god expects how am I doing
21)                  Mirror shows the hard reality
22)                  Law is the design
23)                  Restored so you can be human again
24)                  Gospel restores us so we can do what God has told us to do
25)                  God has put us here for a purpose
66)Natural Law is God's will for creation
  7. We are to image God to Creation



Monday, May 7, 2012

In Anger...


“…those who hold to the natural law believe that for a law to be just, it must conform to the structure of reality itself and not depend on the oscillating opinions and preferences of human beings.”  Robert C Baker


So that’s that…
In no words,
respect, or even honor.
It’s the end.

It’s the end because I can’t read your silence.

Your stubborn refusal,
Your cowardice,
Your frozen intentions
have you paralyzed,
a quadriplegic in all emotions,
extinguished in your living in the moment.

Your idol sits toad- like on a shelf,
grinning ineptly at blank walls.

 He’s long dust –

His silence-
Your silence

What god would be silent?

It is not natural or organic
to submerge,
bury,
nullify,
emotions.

Do you really think they are gone?

In the natural order of things-
Nature –
 Creation’s rhythm-
you cannot violate the laws.

Things always fall downward to the Core…
For every action there is a reaction…

Your action –
My reaction…
The gravity of what we feel…

And our cores do not match…

In anger,
hurt,
a stream
of consciousness,

I am at least honest…



I know you seethe beneath that pseudo calm

You think it is gone
but I know that since the Fall
No man
No woman
Can ever escape the demands of the law
Natural law
or God’s law.



How is this a natural way –
 journey of life?









5-16-12
You are a weight upon my mind that gently tugs at my sense of being...
I love you....

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Practices





I have a 3-day weekend, which means I got lots done today!  Car washed, dogs washed and nails clipped, supplies bought, 2 salads and 3 main courses made, and even a poem started!  Tomorrow I can go to my room and do lots of prep!  It is a cut school day, which gives me an opportunity to do not only my prep but also get my sub plans done for Math Studio!

Hip hip hurray!

I would love to be this prepared every week.  Ha!  It is not going to happen...
So I read the paper, which freed me up for some novel reading.  Last night I watched Grey's.  Up way too late.

The Old Testament reading today which was actually from the New Testament fascinated me.  It was about Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuch.  Something about the story just got to me.  He heard the Word, saw water, and said Baptize me!  No messing around for him!  What faith!  He was able to take the word of Jesus back to Africa!  Very cool!

So I am in my desert place now.  I am struck by how many scenes from the Bible take place in the desert. Moses and the burning bush, Jesus' temptation, and the lepers sent to live in the desert, Philip and the Eunuch. The desert symbolizes so much heat and death but yet from the desert comes such revelations from God. So I wait...and wonder what my future holds for me...Like the Israelites wandering for 40 years in the desert I wonder how long I will have to go through this desert.  I have my God, my Jesus, by my side.  It comforts me and gives me hope.  

I don't always remember that hope.  I do the drama thing and feel sorry for myself way too much.  But I could not go back to living without Him in my life.  

So I mourn.  I grieve.  I remember.  Every Sunday I am comforted anew and it gets me through my week.  I would give that to everyone if I could.