A Sad Achy Kind of Day

You know you are in a battle when you are in tears before you even get to work at 7 AM.    Granted I stayed up too late on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday night which made me overly tired and when I am tired I tend to be emotional  and crabby.  Today was no exception.  In the back of my head I knew this but it did not stop me from thinking about sad things in my life.

I also had some of those disturbing dreams with people in them that are toxic for me. Part of me still loves them while the other part knows it's toxicity.  Just having the dreams disturbs my equilibrium and kind of opens a doorway for feelings I don't want to be feeling now.

It all has to do with being single again.  I figure it is probably most likely in God's plan for me to be single for awhile and I hope and pray not forever.  Some days I do really well with living the single life.  Other times I just long to be a couple again.  I want to  laugh, to talk, and be connected with a man.

 I really believe that is how God made us.  I don't think we can be whole if we are not connected to a man.  Unfortunately sin does it's best to ruin this relationship.

I would just like that glow of attention from a man sometimes.  Today was one of those days.  There is no one and not even a glimmer of one on my horizon.  I resist the urge to make something happen just because of an ache.  I want so much more this next time if there is a next time.

This is when I know I need to use my mental health strategies.  I went to work out because exercise helps plus I have the camaraderie of the ladies I exercise with at the New Well.  I also started thinking about writing it down so I could examine  and clarify my emotions.    I shall also go to bed by 9 so I can rest and be stronger mentally and physically.  Through all this I talked to God.

I feel better and not so weepy.