It hurts to know the past is all a lie- just things I imagined in my brain. Survival mode? I can't believe how much I relied on those memories to be true. They are not. It disrupts my time line - my life- to know that I don't mean as much to you as you meant to me, Always in the back of my brain you were there- loving me. Now I know that was not the case. I am a silly goose to imagine love that was not there but only for a season. I wanted that season to be always there and it can not be. I love you. I will always love you. You took from me what I should have saved for marriage and I don't think I can ever be over that. I hate what I did to myself and the lies I told myself.
I hate the lies I told myself in my marriage. I tried so hard to make it work.
I am left with nothing.
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