"Sex is for Marriage and Jesus is for Sinners"

Lately, I have been thinking about my marriage and it's ending.  Probably because it is getting close to being the end of my marriage legally.  As I reflect upon the "ending”, I am also scanning old family pictures from the beginning of our marriage. The tension between beginnings and endings is sometimes very painful.  I am filled with regrets, remorse, relief, guilt, and resignation.   

Compounding these “feelings”, I’ve been listening to other Lutheran pastors on the topic of sex and marriage.  The latest I was reflecting on was from Higher Things, Irvine, by the Rev. Mark Buetow, Bethel Evangelical Lutheran Church and Preschool, Du Quoin, Illinois.    (http://wartburg.blogspot.com/)

His presentation was called, "Sex is for Marriage and Jesus is for Sinners."

In his presentation he describes God's natural order of things: Christ is the head of the man, the man is the head of the wife and children.  This is not lording it over women but rather women are high and precious in a marriage, put on a pedestal to be loved and cherished.  We are complimentary as a married couple, not equal.  Men and women are different, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally.

His definition of adultery stunned me.  I have always thought of adultery as having sex with someone else rather than the spouse.  Pastor Buetow defined adultery as: anything I do to dishonor my spouse.  I realized how my “adultery” was not just thoughts of sex but also the lack of respect I have shown my husband.

Furthermore Pastor Buetow defined marriage as a gift from God, and: "The publicly recognized, life long union of one man and one woman."

When we are seeking a spouse the tell all question to ask one’s self is: 

For the woman,

" Will this man be the Christ to me?"

For the man,

" Will I die for this woman?"

(Wow the 3 boyfriends who died protecting their girlfriends in the shoot out in Aurora, CO did just this in their actions!!!!!!!  They died for their girlfriends just as Christ died for his bride, the church!)

The husband must "die" for his wife.  He protects her.  He dies to himself.  He takes on her sins and they become his sins.  (Adam did not do this for Eve.  He did not protect her from the serpent.)

So my thought was this:

Christ and his bride, the church, is a model of a man and woman becoming one in the sexual act of marriage.  We become one with Christ so therefore God sees us as perfect and forgiven in Christ's death and resurrection.  When a man and woman in marriage take

"delight " in each other they become one person.  That "one person" begets children.  They are the bricks for the living wall.  Man has an awesome and difficult responsibility to their wives and children.  They are the leader, the defender, and educator of their family.  

Sin has messed this relationship up.    I would ask,

“How can any marriage survive in this sinful world?”

Yet I see marriages that do make it.  So it must be possible.

 I did not have this kind of a relationship in my marriage.  I did not respect Pat in his leadership role. He did not take upon himself the role.  We both committed adultery because we did not honor each other.  If I was to look back in hindsight, I failed my marriage when I married an unbeliever. 

The vows we took were to last a lifetime.  I still feel guilty that I left, even though God would not want me to be in a physically or verbally abusive marriage.  I could not stay around and wait to be hit or take the beating down from the verbal abuse.

It saddens me that his idols (alcohol and prescription medications) are more important to him than me.  Our marriage was not important enough for him to change and I could no longer keep trying to stay in that marriage and destroy myself.

It has been a year since I moved out.  At that time I had hopes that my moving out would cause him to change himself.  Instead he filed for the divorce and I finally realized I could only change myself- not him.

Our court date is August 24, 2012.

 If it is God's will for me to marry again I want the kind of Godly marriage that is described in the Bible. I want a LCMS Lutheran man who will die for me and be a Christ for me.  As I will respect and honor him in his leadership role.  Where we will both complement each other.