Practices/ Math Studio

I keep meaning to go to bed at 9 but I'm just not making it.  I am also not making my practices.  I think as long as I am in school I won't be able to do my reading or watch TV.  I don't think it is bad either.  I just need to be in this place now.

Math Studio is always so draining on my brain and self-esteem.  It takes every ounce of my strategies and self talk to maintain myself.  I feel beat up after each experience.  I don't cry anymore but I do battle with feelings of poor self esteem.  I battle jealousy, inadequacy, and feel quite inferior and unloved.  How can math stir up so much crap?

I felt better today in the classroom where I could believe my self talk that I am a good teacher.  I could feel the love of my students and the respect.  Wow to need so much affirmation!

Teena came into to coach me in math and I am grateful for her support.  I just need to put down the feelings that I am incompetent in what I do in math and that is why she is in my room.  I know that is far from the truth.  She will work with me all next week.  I need to quit apologizing for my inability to meet what I think I see others getting done.  Suck it up and lay myself bare so I can learn what I need to be a better teacher.

It is a giving up of self to "deprivitize" my practice so I can learn to be a better teacher.  I have a date with a data snap in my room on Friday.  One thing I can say for my theatre background is that I do better with an audience.

Towards.....