Thinking

of annoying thoughts.  How much I hated going into my room to work today.  How I could not find anything I needed for Bridges.  How much it hurts when your kids don't call you on Mother's Day.  How joyous it was to hear from Johan who I did not think would call.  I thought Tim would call and he did not.  What excuse could there be for that?  How Chuck hates me.  How my self talk and self worth are caught up in actions.  How I have to wait for it to be over.  How I don't know what the future holds.  How blessed I am to have such wonderful friends that love me and care about me.  How I can milk a moment for drama.  How I can build such drama in my head and totally miss the obvious in front of me.  How Tim could just now message me that he emailed me a gift and will call tomorrow.  What was so important he could not call me on Mother's day?  How I can be so jealous of other people and how it eats my insides out.  How I can still love a person who can't talk to me.  How I will someday look back on this and smile at all I learned. That is bittersweet.  How it just sucks to be me tonight...