Blushing...

A man engaged me in conversation today at Starbucks.  I blush because it was unexpected and I did not know what to do!  You have to realize after 31 years of monogamous marriage, fat for most of those years, and constantly "put down" for most of those years, it was unexpected. And I must say- kind of nice.

It has been a treat for me for the past year and a half to go to Starbucks, have a coffee, and sit and write poetry.  I gave up writing poetry about 30 years ago with my marriage,  It just did not seem to fit into my lifestyle anymore.  I was busy being wife and mom.

As my marriage was dissolving- so to speak- around my ears, I picked up the pen and started writing about what I was thinking, feeling, and going through.  It seemed to help me and my self image of myself.  I felt and feel successful when writing.  It helps me also clarify my feelings and explore what I believe.  What has truly been nice about it has been it has not lessened with the year but rather has grown in it's importance to me.  It has become my " breath".

 I adore and am passionate about my words- especially when they reflect on my beliefs in God, marriage, family, and my past and future.  It has also been a way to examine my feelings for the men in my life and my relationships with them- damaged though they be.

I was just sitting there writing when I looked up and a man was staring at me and smiled.  It startled me but I smiled back and then quickly returned to my page wondering if it was on purpose or an accidental glance.  The next thing I knew he asked what I was writing.  We had a conversation, awkward for me because it is such an unknown thing in my life.  Yet I was able to converse.

He was a nice looking man my age or a bit younger.  He asked to see what I was writing and he wrote in my notebook.  Where was I too go with this?  I am not exactly available so there was no reason to prolong the conversation.  I shook his hand and told him good luck and left.

My heart raced with the unknownness of it.  It gave me a total boost to my self because a man had shown actual interest in me.  I don't know what that is like anymore.  It also totally frightened me because I don't want to repeat past mistakes in relationships.

So tonight I have a little "glow" on because someone - a total stranger- has shown interest in me!  What a nice feeling.  Thank you strange man out there,  you have made this girl feel good!