This was the week. I've been waiting for this week for a year. No thanks to lawyers. In fact my layer had me in his office Thursday night before the conference re figuring out things he had figured out before. Then he gave me homework. I was up till 11 on the night before I was to go court.
On Thursday the retirement issue was ironed out for my husband and his lawyer. They finally understood that you use the time/fraction rule to split PERS. BUT my husband decided to ask for 500.00 in spousal support from me. This initially always causes me great anger. I envision him spending it on his addictions.
Because we were down to one issue we had a court conference instead of a court trial. My homework was to figure out where all my money goes in a month to see if anything is left over. This includes food, household, rent, medical, insurance, car...
Come to find out I had enough left over to pay for spousal support. I was horrified and then aghast- Where was all this money going if I have so much?
The judge takes off his robes and and goes back and forth between parties to mediate. He told us both parties were going to have to compromise. My take- I was going to have to pay spousal support. My goal was not to cry in front of the judge. I did not make it.
When he asked me how does a marriage of almost 33 years come to the end like this? I lost it as I explained about the alcoholism and prescription meds that had turned my husband into this irrational raging monster. I told him I moved out because I did not feel safe at home anymore. I also told him I was not the one who filed for the divorce - it was him.
In that space of time of 10 minutes I came to a realization. If we did not settle this in conference it would go to trial where it looked like the judge would settle for spousal support. I also realized after the judge told me that my husband said he would be dead anyway in 5 years and his Dr. would not put him on disability for another 5 years what a sad pathetic man he had become.
God whispered in my ear, "He will be your charity."
The amount came down to a sum I could handle and it would be for only 5 years. Also if he lost his job he could not come back and ask for more. I accepted that I would be paying for spousal support and I was OK with it.
I really will come out of this OK. I have a peace. I see an ending in sight. I realized what a strong support group I have around me and he only has the boys. So I guess it is OK that they don't want to talk to me. They are there for their dad and he needs that now. I will just hope and pray that someday they will talk to me again and realize the impossible situation I was in and why I had to leave.
Later at the bank when I was taking care of financial things to do with the divorce I realized how empowered I was becoming.
I will take a beginning budget class and find out where all my money is going since I make so much money. I will manage it, save it, and do the things I want to do. I have a life. I will live my life with joy and be in charge of myself. I will be Barbara Ann Meier Holtz - excellent teacher, loving friend, child of God, and someday a Godly wife of a Godly man. Amen !
Oh and I hope and pray I won't have to wait 6 months for my lawyer to get around to writing the judgment so I can finally be divorced.
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